| | Yes, for my last entry on this side of the ocean, I am going to show
you the wealth of wrongly transliterated or badly selected English
phrases which I found in Japan. And there are plenty of them. Check out
the stuff at www.engrish.com if you don't believe me.
Here we go, posted (kind of) in the order I found them:
"Samurai House"
They live there. Found in: Downtown Tokyo
"Proud of being driver" (click to read more nonsense)
"Dream," "hope," and "happy" seem to be a common theme among large
groups of English words. Found in: Hachioji while driving with Kensuke
"Let's Wild!!"
You can tell how wild the 80s hair band guy is, obviously he'd want you
to join him. This is a wig, by the way. Found in: 100 yen shop in
Tachikawa
"Lovely your Snack"
Are you trying to make a pass at my snack!? Back off, bub! Found in: Tachikawa shopping district
"The gate would fall down"
This is one of those things that alerts the store when you try to
shoplift. Obviously what's worse is leaning against it and being
occured trouble. Found in: Department store, Tachikawa
3can4on
English letters and numbers: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Found in: Moritown mall, Akishima
UniQlo
Would someone like to pronounce this for me? Found in: Moritown mall, Akishima
"Please not cross as danger"
Kyoto is a historically accurate city. This is true also in their usage of English. Found in: Heian Jingu garden, Kyoto
"Be careful of the footing sufficiently"
Also be careful of the english efficiently. Found in: Heian Jingu garden, Kyoto
Crunky.
Gonna get crunked up on--ok, I'm white. I'm sorry. Found in: Supermarket, Akishima (but just about everywhere, actually)
"MY house"
This is a pair of slippers which AGRESSIVELY defends their right to
live in that house. Fight, slippers! Found in: Supermarket, Akishima
4D Puzzle
Not really Engrish, but come on...isn't the 4th dimension time or
something? I'd really like to see how this puzzle incorporates time
into its solution (not like timing the solving or something, that's too
lame), but alas, I didn't buy it to find out. Found in: Supermarket,
Akishima
"This propose your comfortable life"
The best thing is this is on toilet paper. Found in: Supermarket, Akishima
"Healthy and Delicious Cookingware"
I bet you thought the Japanese had a weird diet, but did you know they ate frypans too? Found in: Supermarket, Akishima
"A man of ideas"
This is funny because it's on the side of one of those little photobooths. As if only smart people really figure
out what you're supposed to do with tiny, flash-bleached pictures of
you and 12 friends squished into a wreath of flowers or kittens. Found
in: Mount Fuji souvenir shop
"70 lemons"
You heard them, folks. Just one drink and your skin will be as yellow as the sun. Found in: Vending Machine, Mount Fuji
Hard Off.
If you don't understand why this is funny, I'm not going to explain it
to you. Actually, Hard Off is a used electronics store, and I got my
Famicom there. So despite their unfortunate name, it's actually a
really nice store, as well as their "Spin-Off" brethren Book-Off,
Hobby-Off, and Off-House. Found in: A lot of places, this one in Fussa
"touch and feel the Robot"
While this is talking about that huge statue of the robot from Laputa
at the Ghibli Museum, it sounds really funny out of context. Found in:
Ghibli Museum, Mitaka
"in the attic"
Yes, I also love to enjoy fashion in the attic. Like the stuff from the
20s that my great-grandfather left behind. Dang, that sounds awesome, I
wish it were true... Found in: Clothes store, Harajuku
"welcome Biker and Deadhead"
This would be cool if there were anyone else besides Trendy People in
Harajuku. Or if anyone in Japan actually knew what "biker" or
"deadhead" actually meant... Found in: Fake American Hippie-themed
Clothes Store, Harajuku
"A Bathing Ape"
I think this is the name of a clothes brand. Why is it that the phrase "bathing ape" actually comes accross as being more revolting than "dirty ape" or "filthy ape?" Found in: Harajuku
"conservation of resources"
Once again, something really grand-sounding for toilet paper. Toilet
paper owns you. Also look for a typo in that one. Found in: Hotel where
Mike and Lee stayed, Akishima
"Cheese Straight Burger"
Only heterosexual burgers here, baby! Found in: Burger Restaurant, Harajuku
"Flesh Food"
Yes! YES!! YESYESYESYESYES *jumps* Found in: Route 20, Hachioji
"We are particular about our clothes"
Oh yeah? Well so am I, snobs. Found in: Hachioji
"refreshing and exciting"
Let's let this one speak for itself. Found in: Convenient Store, Hachioji
"Dinning Bar"
I would prefer a ruckus bar. Found in: Hachioji
"Cinema Addicts"
Yeah, no kidding. Found in: Hachioji
"stamina peanuts"
Interviewer:"So, Crusher Joe, what's your secret to winning on round one every time?"
Crusher Joe: "STAMINA PEANUTS!"
Found in: 100 yen shop, Hachioji
"It is dear even if it takes"
Takes what? Your soul? Also, "Wood Factory." Once again, saynomore. Found in: 100 yen shop, Hachioji
[NO THUMBNAIL]
"I want to eat a dessert or a snack every day."
Yeah, well, me too, but I don't like root canals. Also look for a nice typo. Found in: 100 yen shop, Hachioji
"8 Cup Gun"
You betta watch out, foo, or I'll bust a CUP in yo--oh, sorry. White. Found in: 100 yen shop, Hachioji
"Sound Gun"
"I love the smell of sound in the morning!" Found in: 100 yen shop, Hachioji
"Straight Flash"
They may have actually meant to say straight flash, but that's far too riddled with innuendo to overlook. Found in: Vending Machine, Hachioji Station
And finally, my favorite one ever.
"awesome"
This is a shirt. It's my favorite because I wear it. Click on it for a
veritable goldmine of strange and out-of-place phrases. The same store
also had some other gems, like one which said "NOSH UP" (what on
earth..?) and another one talking about how great peanut butter and
pickles are in the morning or something. It was truly difficult to
decide, but the color and the sheer AWESOMEness of this one prompted me
to buy it. I do not regret it. Found in: Awesome Clothes Store, Mitaka
And that's it! I have some more stuff to talk about, but I'm going to
continue when I get home. I'm planning to move to a "real" blog host,
so that everyone can comment, instead of just the people who have
Xangas. I like the comments, yo.
I'm going to stay up all night and catch my bus to the airport tomorrow
morning at about 7:30. Then a mere 20 or so hours later and I'll be
home! Please pray for my safe travel (and sanity)!
Great Thanks to all who read this the whole time! I've put a lot of heart and soul into it, so it means a lot to me!
And don't forget to read the special double-issue comic!
 
Sayonara!
--Luke Jones
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| | Posted 7/10/2006 1:24 PM - 1 View - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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